Study on Financials
Review the in-text comments and summary feedback you received on your to enhance your writing.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Logan Stevens
English Composition II
December 22, 2019
Where’s the Beef?: Ethics and the Beef Industry
Americans love their beef. According to a 2005 study on beef consumption, between
1994 and 1998, Americans consumed an average of 67 pounds of beef per year, the equivalent of
approximately three ounces of beef per day (Davis & Lin, 2005). Despite this high rate of
consumption, in recent years people in the United States have grown increasingly concerned
about where their food comes from, how it is produced, and what environmental and health
impacts result from its production. These concerns can be distilled into two ethical questions: is
the treatment of cattle humane and is there a negative environmental impact of beef production?
For many, the current methods of industrial beef production and consumption do not meet
personal ethical or environmental standards. Therefore, for ethical and environmental reasons,
people should limit their beef consumption, and the beef that they do eat should be humanely
raised, locally sourced, and grass-fed.
The first ethical question to consider is the humane treatment of domesticated cattle. It
has been demonstrated in multiple scientific studies that animals feel physical pain as well as
emotional states such as fear (Grandin & Smith, 2004, para. 2). In Concentrated Animal Feeding
Operations (CAFOs), better known as “factory farms” due to their industrialized attitude toward
Comment [SL1]: Hi Logan! This is a great title.
Comment [SL2]: Good use of data as an effective hook statement.
Comment [SL3]: This is a very strong, well-formed thesis statement that takes a clear stance on a debatable topic. Well done.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
cattle production, cattle are often confined to unnaturally small areas; fed a fattening, grain-based
diet; and given a constant stream of antibiotics to help combat disease and infection. In his essay,
“An Animal’s Place,” Michael Pollan (2002) states that beef cattle often live “standing ankle
deep in their own waste eating a diet that makes them sick” (para. 40). Pollan not only describes
Americans’ discomfort with this aspect of meat production. He also notes that they are removed
from and uncomfortable with the physical and psychological aspects of killing animals for food
as well. He simplifies the actions chosen by many Americans: “we either look away—or stop
eating animals” (para. 32). This decision to look away has enabled companies to treat and
slaughter their animals in ways that cause true suffering for the animals. If Americans want to
continue to eat beef, alternative, ethical methods of cattle production must be considered.
In addition to the inhumane treatment of animals, CAFOs also raise ethical questions in
terms of the environmental impacts of industrial agriculture. Because cattle raised on factory
farms are primarily “grain-fed,” meaning that their diet largely consists of corn and/or soy rather
than grass or other forage, huge amounts of grain are required to provide the necessary feed. This
grain comes primarily from “monocropping,” an agricultural practice that involves planting the
same crop year after year in the same field. Although rotating crops to different fields each
season helps to retain the natural balance of nutrients in the soil, mono-cropping is considered to
be more efficient on an industrial scale, providing larger yields of grain even though it also
requires the use of more chemical fertilizers to provide adequate nutrients for the plants.
According to Palmer (2010), these chemicals can leach into the groundwater, polluting both the
surrounding land and the water supply.
The emphasis on a grain-based diet, and therefore a reliance on mono-cropping, also
contributes to the inefficient use of available land. The vast majority of grain production (75-
Comment [SL4]: This is a much better way to connect your ideas regarding the physical and psychological aspects of killing animals and how Americans deal with them.
Comment [SL5]: Yes!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
90% depending on whether corn or soy) goes to feeding animals rather than humans, and cattle
alone account for a significant share. As a result, a majority of land available for agriculture also
goes to producing livestock, whether actually housing the animals or growing grain to feed them
(Lappé, 2010, p. 22). This inefficiency means that a disproportionate amount of agricultural,
food, and monetary resources are poured into a type of cattle production which has been
demonstrated to be inhumane and to have negative environmental consequences.
Other environmental issues include the amount of manure produced by factory farmed
cattle. Traditionally, cattle graze a large area and distribute their waste accordingly. In contained
situations such as CAFOs, however, animal waste builds up in a relatively small area and the
runoff from rainstorms can potentially contaminate the groundwater (Sager, 2008, para. 7).
Furthermore, because closely contained animals are more prone to disease, factory-farmed cattle
are routinely treated with antibiotics, which can also leach into the local ground and water,
potentially affecting humans. According to Brian Palmer, a man who has done extensive
research on the topic (2010), “Based on some estimates, we spend more than $4 billion annually
trying to clean up CAFO manure runoff. In addition, the long-term, low-dose antibiotics CAFOs
give livestock can lead to antibiotic-resistant bacteria, further undermining our dwindling supply
of useful medicines” (para. 12). The negative impacts of antibiotic runoff, manure
contamination, fossil fuel use, and mono-cropping indicate that sourcing beef from CAFOs is
neither an ethically responsible nor an environmentally sustainable decision.
An alternative to the grain-fed cattle raised in CAFOs is cattle which are allowed to range
and forage for grass and other greenery as their primary form of nourishment. This “grass-fed”
beef is, almost by definition, more humane than grain-fed beef because the animals are allowed
to move freely and eat a more natural diet. There is also some evidence that grass-fed beef is
Comment [SL6]: Great job tying these ideas together here.
Comment [SL7]: Much better.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
healthier than grain-fed beef for the humans who consume it: it is higher in cancer fighting,
vitamin-A producing beta-carotene; it is much lower in fat, including having half the saturated
fat as grain-fed beef; and it contains many more omega-3 fatty acids, conjugated linoleic acid
(CLA), which prevents cancer growth, and vitamin E, which prevents cancer as well as heart
disease (Ruechel, 2006, p. 235). Due to the benefits of a grass-based diet, as well as the benefits
of being raised in pastures rather than feedlots, grass-fed cattle themselves tend to be healthier.
Taken altogether, grass-fed cattle production is better physically for both the cows and humans.
It is important to note that grass-fed does not inherently mean organic, which is a
separate, legal category with its own requirements. It is possible to find grain-fed beef from
cattle raised or slaughtered in inhumane conditions that is labeled “organic” because the cattle
were fed organic grain, whereas grass-fed beef may come from cattle that have been raised on
land that does not meet the requirements for organic labeling (Sager, 2008, paras.10-15).
However, in a guide to raising grass-fed cattle, Julius Ruechel (2006), notes that “Raising [cattle]
in a pasture reduces or even eliminates the use of toxic pharmaceutical pesticides to control
parasites and all but eliminates residues of high doses of antibiotics used on cattle in feedlot
conditions” (p. 236). Even though it may not always be organic, choosing grass-fed beef reduces
or eliminates many of the environmental and ethical concerns raised by factory farming.
Grass-fed beef also comes with some benefits to the environment. As noted earlier, most
grain-fed beef relies on environmentally damaging mono-cropping. This problem is not an issue
with grass-fed beef, which relies primarily on forage and does not require the same crop to be
planted year after year. Further, if the grass-fed beef that one eats comes from local farms and
ranches, it lessens the environmental impact, whereas the long-distance shipping required by
factory farming practices consumes fossil fuels, which contribute to global warming. Lappé
Comment [SL8]: Interesting!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
(2010) explains the massive effects that industrial food production has on the environment,
noting that throughout the life cycle of production, processing, distribution, consumption, and
waste, our food chain may be responsible for as much as a third of the factors causing global
climate change (p. 11). However, as Pollan (2002) argues by the end of his essay, farms which
focus on traditional agricultural practices are both more humane and more environmentally
friendly than CAFOs. Ultimately, food decisions should be made with an eye to sustainability
and humane treatment, ethical stances that are both supported by local farms focused on
sustainable diversity.
Despite grass-fed beef scoring better on an environmental impact level than grain-fed
beef, it is still not perfect, a fact that highlights the problems of eating beef at all if one is
concerned with environmental ethics. Most notably, to assuage Americans’ rapacious appetites
for beef, landowners in South America often clear cut rainforest in order to create grazing land.
“The realities of the global market are a great temptation to many: Where land is cheap and the
demand for grass-fed cattle is on the rise, the local economy may respond by cutting down a
forest to create pasture or by planting grass where millet or rice has been grown” (Sager, 2008,
para. 21). This practice has negative environmental impacts on the local landscape and the planet
as a whole, since losing vast swathes of rainforest increases the amount of carbon dioxide in our
atmosphere, contributing to ozone depletion. In their article for Science magazine, scholars
Molly Brown and Christopher Funk (2008) examine how climate change will affect food
security and find that people in the developing world are at particular risk for a lack of food due
to climate change. Mono-cropping and mono-grazing practices, designed to snag American
dollars in the short term and not to sustain the local population in the long term, will only
exacerbate these effects (p. 580–81). Furthermore, the rise in the market for grass-fed beef has
Comment [SL9]: Great use of signal phrasing here.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
meant that much grass-fed beef is shipped to the U.S. from South America and Australia. Even if
these animals are raised in a humane and sustainable manner, the long distances they travel to
reach American bellies has significant, negative environmental impact, again due to the use of
fossil fuels (Sager, 2008, para. 21). This reinforces the importance of buying beef which has
been locally produced, reducing the impact of long-distance shipping and potential mono-grazing
in other countries.
No matter how ethically sourced, one can still identify some serious ethical problems
with the raising and slaughter of beef, and those ethical quandaries are passed on to consumers.
While grass-fed beef is clearly an ethical improvement over grain-fed beef in terms of humane
treatment and potentially in terms of environmental impact, “No matter how you slice it, eating
beef will never be the greenest thing you do in a day. Scientists at Japan’s National Institute of
Livestock and Grassland Science estimate that producing 1 kilogram of beef emits more
greenhouse gas than driving 155 miles” (Palmer, 2010, para. 2). A kilogram of beef is about the
equivalent of two generously sized rib-eye steaks. Multiply this by the amount of beef consumed
by Americans in a year and the impact of these greenhouse gasses cannot be ignored. However,
as compelling as this argument is, it is not reasonable to expect that Americans will stop eating
beef altogether. In the short term, it is more practical to encourage Americans to eat humanely
raised, locally sourced, grass-fed beef, which will ultimately lessen the ethical and environmental
consequences.
If consumers are truly concerned about the ethical treatment of animals and the
environmental impact of agricultural production, then the logical action is to stop eating meat
altogether. If Americans are not willing to do this, then the next best action is to focus on
humanely raised, locally sourced, grass-fed beef, while acknowledging that this may affect our
Comment [SL10]: Great concluding sentence.
Comment [SL11]: Good. You’re not dismissing the counter- arguments, but you’re indicating that your argument is more persuasive. Well done.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
beef consumption at many levels. Pollan (2002) concludes his essay by acknowledging that more
humane treatment of animals would likely cause higher prices and lower consumption. However,
he states, “maybe when we did eat animals, we’d eat them with the consciousness, ceremony and
respect they deserve” (para. 82). This emphasis on the respect for and well-being of the animals
cultivated for food benefits both the animals and the consumer, acknowledging the desire to be
true omnivores while satisfying our need for ethical clarity.
Comment [SL12]: Very good concluding statement!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
References
Brown, M., & Funk, C. (2008). Food security under climate change. Science, 319
(5863), 580-581. doi: 10.1126/science.1154102
Cook, C. (2004). Diet for a dead planet: How the food industry is killing us. New York,
NY: New Press.
Davis, C., & Lin, B.H. (2005). Factors affecting U.S. beef consumption. Retrieved from
https://www.ers.usda.gov/publications/pub-details/?pubid=37389.
Grandin, T. & Smith. G. (2004). Animal welfare and humane slaughter. Grandin.com.
Retrieved from http://www.grandin.com/references/humane.slaughter.html
Lappé, A. (2010). Diet for a hot planet: The climate crisis at the end of your fork. New
York, NY: Bloomsbury.
Palmer, B. (2010, December 21). Pass on grass: Is grass-fed beef better for the
environment? Slate. Retrieved from
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/the_green_lantern/2010/12/pa
ss_ on_grass.htm
Pollan, M. (2002, November 10). An animal’s place. The New York Times. Retrieved
from http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/10/magazine/an-animal-s-place.html
Ruechel, J. (2006). Grass-fed Cattle: How to produce and market natural beef. North
Adams, MA. Storey Publishing.
Sager, G. (2008). Where’s your beef from?: Grass-fed Beef: Is it green, humane and
healthful? Natural Life Magazine. Retrieved from
http://www.naturallifemagazine.com/0812/grass-fed_beef_green_humane_healthful.htm
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Reflection Questions:
1. How much time did you spend revising your draft? What revision strategies did you use and which worked best for you? (2-3 sentences)
I spent about an hour and a half revising my draft. I spent a lot of time going over each of the critiques I was given, and thinking about how I can implement those in a way that will truly make my essay better. Creating unity and coherence was the most satisfying to me, because it allowed me to put everything together in a way that made me proud.
2. List three concrete revisions that you made and explain how you made them. What
problem did you fix with each of these revisions? Issues may be unity, cohesion, rhetorical appeals, content, or any other areas on which you received constructive feedback. (4-5 sentences)
One I came up with was moving the paragraph on how the production of meat can raise questions in terms of environmental impacts. This helped increase the flow and effectiveness of how the information was being presented. Another critique I made was including a more focused thesis statement. This helped include all of the points I made. Another revision I made was adding more appeals to my claim that chemicals can leach into the groundwater, polluting both the surrounding land and the water supply. This helped add legitimacy to my argument.
3. What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? How has your
understanding of the research process changed as a result of taking this course? (2-3 sentences)
I learned that writing a truly good Argumentative Essay is way more than just writing and research. You need to dig deep into your sources, and really learn about both sides of the arguments are you taking on. The entire process is important to make your argument a solid and supported one.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Final Research Essay Rubric and Feedback
Rubric Category
Feedback Score (acceptable, needs improvement etc.)
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Revising
There was a clear effort to adjust your previous draft. You effectively revised the organization of your essay to gain a better focus on the argument being presented.
35/40
Editing
You did a great job strengthening your arguments by editing some of the word choices throughout your essay.
38/40
Source Integration
You were able to introduce your sources effectively and seamlessly using a variety of different types of citation.
19/20
Cohesion
Updating the flow of your argument throughout your essay has really made it a more effective argumentative essay. Well done!
18/20
Conventions and Proofreading
You have done a great job ensuring there are no major convention errors.
19/20
Reflection You demonstrate thoughtful reflection,
consistently including insights, observations, and examples in your responses.
10/10
Overall Score and Feedback: 139/150 Logan – You have written a very thought-provoking and well-researched essay. You use relevant information from credible sources in order to support your argument. You strike a good balance between these sources and your own discussion, allowing the reader to see how you are using this information to further your own, unique argument. You write very clearly, linking your ideas and paragraphs together in a very logical and smooth manner. You remain consistently focused on your argument throughout. I really enjoyed reading your essay! Nicely done!
,
Revise an Argumentative Research Essay
ASSIGNMENT: Review the in-text comments and summary feedback you received on your Touchstone 3.2 draft to enhance your writing. You will then submit a revision of your Touchstone 3.2 draft that reflects the evaluator's feedback. Make sure to include a copy of your Touchstone 3.2 draft below the reflection questions for this unit. As this assignment builds on Touchstone 3.2: Draft an Argumentative Research Essay, that Touchstone must be graded before you can submit your final research essay. Sample Touchstone 4
A. Final Draft Guidelines
DIRECTIONS: Refer to the list below throughout the writing process. Do not submit your Touchstone until it meets these guidelines.
1. Editing and Revising
❒ Have you significantly revised the essay by adjusting areas like organization, focus, and clarity?
❒ Have you made comprehensive edits to word choice, sentence variety, and style?
❒ Have your edits and revisions addressed the feedback provided by your evaluator?
2. Cohesion and Source Integration
❒ Is the information presented in a logical order that is easy for the reader to follow?
❒ Have you included smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs?
❒ Have you introduced your sources clearly and in a way that demonstrates their validity to the reader?
3. Conventions and Proofreading
❒ Have you double-checked for correct formatting, grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization?
❒ Have you ensured that any quoted material is represented accurately?
4. Reflection
❒ Have you displayed a clear understanding of the revision process?
❒ Have you answered all reflection questions thoughtfully and included insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses?
❒ Are your answers included on a separate page below the composition?
B. Reflection Questions
DIRECTIONS: Below your assignment, include answers to all of the following reflection questions.
1. How much time did you spend revising your draft? What revision strategies did you use and which worked best for you? (2-3 sentences)
2. List three concrete revisions that you made and explain how you made them. What problem did you fix with each of these revisions? Issues may be unity, cohesion, rhetorical appeals, content, or any other areas on which you received constructive feedback. (4-5 sentences)
3. What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? How has your understanding of the research process changed as a result of taking this course? (2-3 sentences)
C. Rubric
|
|
Advanced (90-100%) |
Proficient (80-89%) |
Acceptable (70-79%) |
Needs Improvement (50-69%) |
Non-Performance (0-49%) |
RevisingDemonstrate comprehensive “re-visioning” of the composition. |
There is evidence of comprehensive re-visioning of the draft composition, including adjustments to organization, focus, clarity, and/or unity where needed or appropriate. |
There is evidence of significant re-visioning of the draft composition, including adjustments to organization, focus, clarity, and/or unity where needed or appropriate. |
There is evidence of some re-visioning of the draft composition, including adjustments to organization, focus, clarity, and/or unity where needed or appropriate; however, a few areas need some additional revision. |
There is little evidence of re-visioning of the draft composition, such that multiple areas in need of changes were unaltered. |
Revisions are absent or did not address the issues in the essay. |
EditingDemonstrate comprehensive sentence-level edits throughout the composition. |
There is evidence of comprehensive edits to the draft composition, including adjustments to word choice, sentence completeness, sentence variety, and/or style where needed or appropriate. |
There is evidence of substantial edits to the draft composition, including adjustments to word choice, sentence completeness, sentence variety, and/or style where needed or appropriate. |
There is evidence of some edits to the draft composition, including adjustments to word choice, sentence completeness, sentence variety, and/or style where needed/appropriate; however, some issues were overlooked. |
There is little evidence of edits made to the draft composition, such that many errors remain. |
Edits are absent or did not address the issues in the essay. |
Source IntegrationIntegrate source material appropriately and effectively. |
Introduces sources smoothly and effectively through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary. |
Primarily introduces sources effectively through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary. |
Introduces some sources effectively through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary, but more variety could be used. |
Relies too heavily on one method of source integration (direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary); does not thoughtfully apply source integration techniques. |
Shows no attempt to integrate source material into the composition or relies on quoted source material for over half of the composition. |
CohesionEstablish and maintain a logical flow. |
Sequences ideas and paragraphs logically and uses smooth transitions (within and between paragraphs) such that the reader can easily follow the progression of ideas. |
Sequences ideas and paragraphs logically and uses transitions (within and between paragraphs) such that the reader can easily follow the progression of ideas. |
Primarily sequences ideas and paragraphs logically and uses sufficient transitions (within and between paragraphs) such that the reader can generally follow the progression of ideas. |
The progression of ideas is often difficult to follow, due to poor sequencing, ineffective transitions, and/or insufficient transitions. |
The progression of ideas is consistently difficult to follow, due to poor sequencing and lack of transitions. |
Conventions and ProofreadingDemonstrate command of standard English grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and usage. |
There are few, if any, negligible errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage. |
There are occasional minor errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage. |
There are some significant errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage. |
There are frequent significant errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage. |
There are consistent significant errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage. |
ReflectionAnswer reflection questions thoroughly and thoughtfully. |
Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; consistently includes insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses, following or exceeding response length guidelines. |
Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; includes multiple insights, observations, and/or examples, following response length guidelines. |
Primarily demonstrates thoughtful reflection, but some responses are lacking in detail or insight; primarily follows response length guidelines. |
Shows limited reflection; the majority of responses are lacking in detail or insight, with some questions left unanswered or falling short of response length guidelines. |
No reflection responses are present. |
D. Requirements
The following requirements must be met for your submission to be graded:
· Composition must be 6-8 pages (approximately 1500-2000 words, not including your references or reflection question responses).
· Double-space the composition and use one-inch margins.
· Use a readable 12-point font.
· All writing must be appropriate for an academic context.
· Composition must be original and written for this assignment.
· Plagiarism of any kind is strictly prohibited.
· Submission must include your name, the name of the course, the date, and the title of your composition.
· Submission must include your graded Touchstone 3 assignment.
· Include all of the assignment components in a single file.
· Acceptable file formats include .doc and .docx.
E. Additional Resources
The following resources will be helpful to you as you work on this assignment:
1. Purdue Online Writing Lab's APA Formatting and Style Guide
a. This site includes a comprehensive overview of APA style, as well as individual pages with guidelines for specific citation types.
1. Frequently Asked Questions About APA Style
b. This page on the official APA website addresses common questions related to APA formatting. The "References," "Punctuation," and "Grammar and Writing Style" sections will be the most useful to your work in this course.
1. APA Style: Quick Answers—References
c. This page on the official APA Style website provides numerous examples of reference list formatting for various source types.
,
1
TIGIST SHIFERAW Comment by Patricia Hennington: Hi Tigist! I am Patricia, your grader for this touchstone today.
ENGLISH COMPOSITION II
FEBRURY,22,2022
Climate change is among the most significant health threats facing humanity. Health professionals worldwide are already dealing with the health harms that result from the unfolding issues. Climate change is already affecting health in several ways (Dokin et al., 2018). This may include death and sicknesses due to extreme weather events such as heatwaves, storms, floods, the disruption of food systems, maximizes in zoonosis and food, water as well as vector-borne illnesses, and well as mental health conditions. In addition, climate change tends to undermine the majority of the social determinants for good health, such as livelihoods, equality, and access to healthcare and social support structures Comment by Patricia Hennington: Remove.
The climate-based health risks are inappropriately felt by the majority of the vulnerable and disadvantaged, which may include women, kids, ethnic minorities, poor communities, migrants as well as displaced individuals, older people, and those who have underlying health challenges. Extreme weather events, for instance, floods, storms, and heatwaves that result from climate change, impact the environment and social determinants of health. This leads to water, food, and vector-borne sicknesses, disrupted food systems as well as mental health problems (Curtis et al., (2017). Thus, climate change is a major health threat facing humanity today.
Since climate change is now identified as a public health issue, it is now hard to separate it from the list of determinants that worsen the social determinants of health (WHO, 2021). In regard to the social determinants of health, climate change can impact people's good health. The maximized frequency and the intensity of extreme weather events such as hurricanes, wildfires, and droughts threaten the lives in the front-line communities, thus riving persons from their homes and destroying their source of food as livelihoods. This maximizes the rate of hunger and poverty in this place. The majority of the persons that live in poverty depend on agriculture as well as natural resources to survive (WHO, 2021). Comment by Patricia Hennington: Ending with a citation is a clear indication that you have not written a concluding sentence for the paragraph, therefore add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence.
Climate change maximizes the existing health and social inequities. Climate change tends to worsen the environmental conditions through ozone pollution related to chronic sicknesses and injury. It leads to social and economic dislocations, mostly affecting disadvantaged communities (Garfinkel, 2021). This is because they are at least able to have the ability to prepare for and recover from heat waves, poor air quality, flooding as well as other impacts. The effects of climate change on health are mainly based on the individual and community vulnerability and resilience. In the United States, these aspects are based on forces that no person cannot control (Sellers, Ebi, & Hess, 2019). Some of the factors that contributed to inequalities include: existing inequalities in the distribution of money and power; historical disinvestment in a number of communities; discriminatory activities as well as policies with time; high pollution burdens and inappropriate access to resources of health. Due to this, low-income communities and people of color are inappropriately impacted by the health effects of climate change. Basically, climate change may impact the society through impacts on several social, cultural and natural resources. Comment by Patricia Hennington: You need to provide support for these statements. Citation is needed. Ending with a citation is a clear indication that you have not written a concluding sentence for the paragraph, therefore add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence.
Climate change may as well cause limited access to health care to some people. Extreme weather events can disrupt infrastructure, which may include utilities, transportation, and communication systems, critical to maintaining access to emergency services and health care. The number of disasters have maximized by a factor of five in a period of 50 year period caused by climate change. From 1970 to 2019, weather, climate and water hazards accounted for 50% of all the disasters (WMO, 2021). The hospital supply chain can also be disrupted, thus resulting in a shortage of essential pharmaceutical and medical appliances. Additionally, people's physical health and changes in the surrounding environment can impact their mental health. Extreme weather events may impact mental health mainly in cases of loss of life and home, images of extreme weather events in the media, disruption of communication lines, and social support networks that people with mental sickness require to be healthy. The mental health consequences of event associated with a changing global climate include mild stress and distress, as well as high risk coping behaviors. Comment by Patricia Hennington: You need to provide support for these statements. Citation is needed. Ending with a citation is a clear indication that you have not written a concluding sentence for the paragraph, therefore add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence
Climate change tends to highly impact the environmental determinants of health. These are external agents, which may include biological, chemical, physical, social, and a culture that is causally linked to a change in health status. These can be termed as environmental influences which tend to be involuntary. First, just like any other aspect on earth, the lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, and the water cycle are highly impacted by climate change, thus leading to unsafe drinking water. High water temperatures may cause eutrophication as well as excess algal growth that may result to poor drinking water quality (Ahmed, Zouneat-Kermani, & Scholz, 2020). As the air gets warmed up, it causes warmer waters, heavier rainfalls in some areas, and droughts in others, thus resulting in a harmful cycle.
Climate change leads to intense heavy downpours, droughts, and rising water temperatures. This tends to interfere with the quality of drinking as well as recreational water. Bacterial and viruses thrive in this condition and when people consume them tend to lead to various sicknesses. Contamination of drinking water by bacteria, viruses, and protozoa can lead to the outbreak of sicknesses, such as diarrheal sicknesses legionella, campylobacter, and cholera—some parts of the world experience different patterns of flooding as well as drought (Pokhrel et al., 2021). Drought can minimize the earth's capacity to absorb water when precipitation occurs as more intense storms or as hurricanes, which can lead to flooding and, later, poor quality of water. For instance, in Sahel, droughts tend to be more intense. Temperatures are rising about 1.5 times more than the other parts of the world. It as well causes heavy rains. However, the land tends to be very dry to accommodate the rising waters, therefore, destructive river floods and a number of flooding episodes were therefore identified in Mali and Niger in 2019 (Solidarites International, 2020).
In regard to hunger ad undernourished persons, climate change tends to be a major threat. Extreme weather-based disasters have minimized the production of major crops and led to the maximized cost of food as well as a reduction in income. The disasters have inappropriately impacted low-income persons and their access to food, which is why they majored in the relationship between climate change and food security. More than 70% of the globe's population gets the majority of the daily nutrients from plants, and climate change is already leading to droughts as well as flooding, which can alter the staple food crops (FAO, 2015). Basically, climate change puts at risk the food supplies of individuals in developing and developed countries.
Climate changes can as well affect the quality of local air. Atmospheric warming related to climate change can maximize ground-level ozone in various parts of the world, affecting compliance with the ozone standards in the future. The concentration of particulate matter and ozone in the air has led to increased climate warming, air stagnation, rising temperature, and carbon dioxide maximize pollen, molds, and spores, which maximize the risk of allergic respiratory illnesses (Demain, 2018).. Given that climate change can impact many unexpected and persistent impacts on allergic respiratory illnesses, it is important to advocate for efficient mitigation and adaptation techniques to reduce its respiratory health impacts.
Since air pollution and greenhouse gases are mostly produced from similar sources, thus reducing greenhouse gas emissions can be used to reduce climate change. This can be achieved through improving the insulation of buildings, traveling in more fuel-efficient vehicles, and using more effective electrical appliances in order to minimize energy use as well as CO2 production. It can also be used to reduce personal energy use by turning off lights and electronics when they are not being used to minimize the demand for electricity (Antoshkina & Shmeleva, 2020). Minimizing the distance that is traveled in vehicles minimizes petroleum consumption.
To manage climate change, it is essential to adapt to life in a changing climate, and this mainly involves adjusting to actual or expected future climate. It will aid in managing the vulnerability to the dangerous impacts of climate change. It mainly involves making the most of any beneficial opportunities related to climate change. People have been adjusting to and coping with changes in climate as well as extremes with various levels of success. People are required to learn to adapt; the more the climate changes, the harder it could be. People have majored on building flood defenses, plan for heat waves and high temperatures, establish water-permeable pavements to address the issue of floods and storm water, and enhance water storage and use. Comment by Patricia Hennington: Not for sure what is meant here! Comment by Patricia Hennington: According to who?
Technological innovation should as well be promoted to deal with climate change. Some technological solutions such as solar panels and wind turbines that turn sun and wind into electricity without producing greenhouse gases are effective ways of dealing with climate change (Popp, 2020). As technologies have scaled up and converted energy more effectively, they have now reduced in price to become cheaper compared to fuels worldwide.
Additionally, consumer appliances and equipment standards should be introduced. They are retrofitting buildings that involve modifying existing commercial buildings, enhancing energy efficiency or decreasing energy demand. It involves upgrading the energy performance of commercial building assets for their ongoing life. Renewable energy can be used to reduce carbon pollution and has minimal carbon pollution and has minimal impact on the environment. They do not produce carbon dioxide as well as other greenhouse gases, which lead to global warming. Renewable energy may aid in reducing the electricity sector’s emissions by about 81 percent (Union of Concerned Scientists, 2017). This may also involve introducing feed on tariffs, market-based appliances, and fiscal instruments to improve the investment in clean energy (Hayes, et al., 2018). They are promising small-scale energy producers, which is an above-market price for that which they delivered to the grid.
Carbon dioxide is a global pollutant resulting from maximized human activities. This is because it is mainly a result of burning fossil fuels, producing chemicals in the air, minimizing the level of forest cover, and the rapid expansion of farming and industrial operations, producing carbon dioxide in the air and changing the balance of the climate system. High atmospheric carbon dioxide contributes to almost 75% of the total energy imbalance that causes Earth temperature rise (Herndon, 2019). Comment by Patricia Hennington: This does not relate to the thesis.
Additionally, the developing nation is responsible for about 63% of the current carbon emissions. This is due to increased deforestation due to resource exploitation and urban expansion (Harmsen et al., 2020). The problem tends to be getting worse between the years of 2008 to 2013 air pollution levels around the world rose by 8 percent. Despite improvement in specific parts of the world, air pollution has worsened showing that the citizens in the developing nations now face a high risk of lung cancer heart disease, stroke as well as other illnesses (Camfil, 2017). Comment by Patricia Hennington: Counterargument: show why your position is the right one to have in a paragraph, Remember, you are discussing climate change.
Conclusion Comment by Patricia Hennington: A good conclusion will remind your reader of the main points of your research and reflect on the implications of that research which ties back to your thesis statement.
Climate change has a major impact on the cost to individual health. It can impact both the social and environmental determinants of health, which may include clean air, safe drinking water, food, and shelter. The direct damage costs to health are about 4 billion per year by 2030 (WHO, 2021). Minimizing emissions of greenhouse gases through effective transport, food, and energy-use options can lead to enhanced health, mainly through minimized air pollution. Comment by Patricia Hennington: The conclusion is what you have found in your work (review or research) and should be written all by yourself. There is no need to use citations in the conclusion.
References Comment by Patricia Hennington: Any reference that appears in the text of your essay must be cited on the reference page, and any item appearing on your reference page must be also included somewhere in the body of your essay.
Antoshkina, A., & Shmeleva, I. A. (2020, June). Smart Solutions for Implementation of Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) in Arctic Cities. In International Conference on Digital Transformation and Global Society, 301-315. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-65218-0_23
Ahmed, T., Zounemat-Kermani, M., & Scholz, M. (2020). Climate Change, Water Quality and Water-Related Challenges: A Review with Focus on Pakistan. International journal of environmental research and public health, 17(22), 8518. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17228518
Camfil. (2017). How To Fight Air Pollution In Developing Countries. Retrieved from https://cleanair.camfil.us/2017/10/30/air-pollution-in-developing-countries/
Curtis, S., Fair, A., Wistow, J., & Oven, K. (2017). Impact of extreme weather events and climate change for health and social care systems. Environ Health, 16, (128). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12940-017-0324-3
Donkin, A., Goldblatt, P., Allen, J., Nathanson, V., & Marmot, M. (2018). Global action on the social determinants of health. BMJ global health, 3(1). http://dx.doi.org/10.1136/bmjgh-2017-000603
FAO. (2015). Climate change and food security: risks and responses. Retrieved from https://www.fao.org/3/i5188e/I5188E.pdf
Garfinkel, N. (2021). EPA: Climate change disproportionately affects marginalized communities. Retrieved from https://www.axios.com/epa-report-climate-change-marginalized-communities-391492c7-bedf-4d98-9208-58e84ed03f48.html
Harmsen, M. J., van Dorst, P., van Vuuren, D. P., van den Berg, M., Van Dingenen, R., & Klimont, Z. (2020). Co-benefits of black carbon mitigation for climate and air quality. Climatic Change, 163(3), 1519-1538. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10584-020-02800-8
Herndon, J. M. (2019). Role of atmospheric convection in global warming. J. Geog. Environ. Earth Sci. Intn, 19(4), 1-8.
Union of Concerned Scientists. (2017). Benefits of Renewable Energy Use. Retrieved from https://www.ucsusa.org/resources/benefits-renewable-energy-use
Popp, D. (2020). International technology transfer, climate change, and the clean development mechanism. Review of Environmental Economics and Policy. https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/journal/reep
Pokhrel, Y., Felfelani, F., Satoh, Y., Boulange, J., Burek, P., Gädeke, A., … & Wada, Y. (2021). Global terrestrial water storage and drought severity under climate change. Nature Climate Change, 11(3), 226-233. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41558-020-00972-w
Solidarites International. (2020). The Sahel in the midst of climate change. Retrieved from https://reliefweb.int/report/chad/sahel-midst-climate-change
Sellers, S., Ebi, K. L., & Hess, J. (2019). Climate change, human health, and social stability: addressing interlinkages. Environmental health perspectives, 127(04). https://doi.org/10.1289/EHP4534
WHO. (2021). Climate change and health. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/climate-change-and-health
WMO. (2021). Weather-related disasters increase over past 50 years, causing more damage but fewer deaths. Retrieved from https://public.wmo.int/en/media/press-release/weather-related-disasters-increase-over-past-50-years-causing-more-damage-fewer
Reflection Questions
Provide one example of a place where you have used rhetorical appeals or source material to support your argument. How does this enhance your essay? (2-3 sentences)
I use source material throughout my essay. I as well made use of statistics to explain that more than 70% of the world's population gets the majority of the daily nutrients from plants.
Touchstone 4 is a revision of this draft. What kind of feedback would be helpful for you as you revise? Are there parts of your draft that you’re uncertain of? (3-4 sentences).
I believe that I have done my best in this draft. Therefore, I would consider having another person identify my mistakes and give their opinions. A detailed evaluation of my work will assist me in identifying the errors that might be hard for me to identify.
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Touchstone 3.2 Rubric and Feedback |
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Rubric Category |
Feedback |
Score (acceptable, needs improvement etc.) |
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Argument Development and Support |
The argument is not fully developed; while it is supported by some relevant details, including rhetorical appeals and source material, some aspects of the argument are neglected. |
28/40 |
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Research |
Generally, cites outside sources appropriately; incorporates credible sources adequately through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary. |
21/30 |
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Organization |
Includes all of the required components of an argumentative research paper, including an introduction with background information, an argumentative thesis, an adequate number of body paragraphs with topic sentences, a body paragraph addressing counterargument(s), and a conclusion with a concluding statement. |
10/15 |
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Style |
There are occasional minor errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and usage |
3/5 |
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Conventions |
Demonstrates effective word choices, primarily avoids redundancy and imprecise language, and uses a variety of sentence structures. |
4/5 |
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Reflection |
Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; includes multiple insights, observations, and/or examples, following response length guidelines |
5/5 |
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Overall Score and Feedback:71 /100 Tigist, You have done some solid work here. Use the thesis as a roadmap for you and your reader. The thesis helps the writer focus on the main points and provides sufficient support. Please read your paper aloud before submitting it to ensure no grammatical, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, or usage errors. Please review the notes and make any necessary corrections. Patricia. |
